Last Updated: October 11, 2023

When you’re invited to a dinner party, Shabbat or otherwise, there are unspoken rules of how to behave and what’s expected of you. However, when rules aren’t laid out clearly, it can lead to confusion and discomfort. So, let’s make those expectations as clear as possible for each other (the same way we ask Hosts to be intentional about their dinner descriptions – and if you have questions/suggestions about this Code, reach out to hello@onetable.org).

OneTable wants you to share Shabbat dinners to make the most of Friday night and enjoy the best of life together. The Shabbat dinner community is made up of many different cultures and endless, beautiful differences. In order to make sure we’re all doing our best to respect one another and accommodate each other’s unique set of needs, we have our Code of Conduct (this document that you are currently reading!).

By hosting or attending a Shabbat dinner or other event hosted by OneTable (in-person or virtually/through social media), or by others through the OneTable platform, whether virtually or in-person, you are agreeing to abide by the following Code of Conduct (see our Terms & Conditions for more information). We ask that you read the full Code below and follow both the word and spirit of it.

Health & Safety First

• Community-building is only possible when people feel physically and psychologically safe. We take safety very seriously. While we encourage our community to welcome diverse perspectives, this does not extend to actions that make others feel unsafe. A Host has the right to ask you to leave at any time, and guests can choose to exit any space where they feel unsafe.
• We do not tolerate harassment or disrespect of OneTable participants or staff in any form.
• Nonconsensual sexual language and imagery are not appropriate for any OneTable event, including Shabbat dinners, OneTable workshops, and social media.
• We do not tolerate discrimination or disrespect related to gender, gender identity and expression, age, sexual orientation, (dis)ability, mental health, physical appearance, body size, race, ethnicity, religion, technology choices, Jewish knowledge, practice, and ritual (or lack thereof).
• Affinity spaces and generous exclusion: The idea of “generous exclusion,” coined by hospitality expert Priya Parker, means that when gathering with an explicit intention (for example, recreating Shabbat experiences from summer camp, building relationships among interfaith couples, or celebrating Shabbat in community with other Asian Jews), it is kindest to be upfront about that intention and welcome those who will enhance the experience. In this vein, Hosts are allowed to create dinners geared towards those with specific shared experiences, identities, or backgrounds, and are encouraged to be explicit with their intentions for the space, utilizing the reservation questions to learn more about those who would like to attend. If an event has a “hard line,” i.e. only those with certain experiences or identities may attend, hosts should be in contact with their local Field Manager to ensure their gathering abides by this Code of Conduct. If a guest RSVPs to your dinner and is not a good fit, please reach out to your Field Manager to ensure they can find another Shabbat gathering that works for them.
• Absolutely no threats to cause harm or disruption will be tolerated.
• All of the following are prohibited: intimidation, stalking, nonconsensual photography or recording, sustained disruption of conversation, inappropriate physical contact, and unwelcome sexual attention. Also: Sexually explicit, racist, antisemitic, ableist, transphobic, and other derogatory comments; unwelcome comments about one’s appearance, accent, sexuality, etc; leering, making vulgar gestures, flashing someone, or exposing oneself; threatening to remove an item of clothing; following someone or blocking their path.
• Please be responsible with the consumption of alcohol and other mind-altering substances. Inebriation is not an excuse for violating any of these rules.
• Public – Open and Public – Host Approval dinners: We love it when Hosts open up their dinners to new people and believe this is one of the best ways to build community. However, we do not have the capacity to individually vet every prospective OneTable guest. If you are opening up your dinner to new people, we encourage you to check out their OneTable Profiles and utilize the Reservation Question option to learn more about those who would like to attend. A “Public – Open” dinner grants a seat and shares the dinner location with anyone who RSVPs, whereas a “Public – Host Approval” dinner allows the host to grant admission to prospective guests one at a time. We encourage those hosting in private spaces (i.e. homes, apartment buildings, etc.) to choose “Public Host Approval” rather than “Public – Open” so that the Host has more control over who attends. Please only post a Public – Host Approval dinner if you are willing to open your dinner to people you don’t already know; if you are choosing to decline a seat request, please let the guest know as soon as possible so they can find other plans.
• If you plan to request a seat at a Public – Host Approval dinner, please ensure your OneTable profile is up-to-date.
• Private, personal information of guests: Do not share your guests’ private information (including phone numbers, addresses, and names of workplaces) with other guests without explicit consent.
• Weapons of any kind are not permitted at OneTable events or dinners.

OneTable participants violating any of these rules may be banned from using the OneTable platform at the discretion of OneTable staff.

If you need to report any violations of the Code of Conduct, please reach out to your Field Manager, or hello@onetable.org. If you are in immediate danger, please contact local authorities.

We ask that you read and reflect on our organizational Core Values and diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging goals (DEIB), which are present in every aspect of our work and we hope will be present for you in every step of your journey with OneTable and your own Shabbat dinner practice.

Joy / Oneg

Shabbat is a weekly opportunity to create and share joy. Light, wine, nourishment, fellowship — Shabbat is a reminder to delight in life; to pause and punctuate the week with a regular sense of warmth and wonder.

Welcoming / Hachnasat Orchim

We express radical hospitality, welcoming guests or graciously being welcomed while honoring the essential value in all human beings (kavod ha’briot). OneTable aims to be and feel accessible, approachable, and welcoming to everyone we serve.

Elevation / Kedushah

Ending your week with intention with good food and good friends is good for you. The OneTable model invites a healthy cultural shift, a focus on making a commitment, planning ahead, and crafting with care. From menu planning to table settings to warmly worded invitations, Shabbat is a time to gladden the eye as well as the spirit. Feel free to reach out to your hosts prior to the dinner and ask what you should bring or how else you can help set the intention.

Honoring Each Other and Yourself

• All styles of Jewish practice are equally valid and honored, and everyone is welcome regardless of religion, race, (dis)ability, sexual or gender identity. While Shabbat offers quiet meditative moments, Shabbat dinner is an essential social gathering. We cherish the differences among the Jewish people, and OneTable provides support that allows for the practice of ritual according to varying interpretations and understandings.
• Every Jewish person and Shabbat dinner attendee is unique; we all celebrate Shabbat differently. That being said, please respect the wishes of the dinner host, including Hosts’ requests to have a tech-free space.
• If it is a kosher dinner, do not bring any non-kosher foods. (Need help finding kosher options or have questions about what this means? Email your Field Manager!)
• If you want to guest at a kosher meal, please look on our platform to see if there are dinners that offer a kosher experience, or reach out to your Field Manager, who may know of other open events.
• OneTable encourages you to attend Shabbat dinners using our platform with friends or new people (some dinners are open for anyone to request a seat). If you’re interested in hosting for the first time, check out the simple process here.
• There may be different (or fewer, or more) Shabbat rituals observed at the dinner than you’re used to. That’s the joy of building community! Please be respectful of the Host’s wishes, others’ rituals, and, while you can offer to add your own, don’t force your own rituals onto the Host and fellow guests. If you need certain accommodations to participate fully in an event, whether physical, ritual, dietary, or otherwise, please share that with your host so you can determine together if this meal is the right fit for you. If not, please be in contact with your Field Manager who will do their best to find another Shabbat for you to attend.
• Religious proselytizing (i.e. attempting to convert someone from one religion, system of belief, or lack thereof to another) of any kind is not permitted. This also includes trying to convert someone from one expression of religiosity (or lack thereof) or another.
• Shabbat can be a time for meaningful dialogue, and it should also be joyful. Enter each OneTable space with your best intentions and your best self, and build joy with the others at the table.

Respecting the Elevation of Friday Night Shabbat Dinner

• At OneTable, we separate Friday night from the rest of our week and dedicate it to Shabbat dinner. It is a different experience than all other nights and there should be intention to each dinner and what you bring to the table as a guest or Host. Shabbat dinners must take place on Friday nights (and our platform will only allow you to post on those nights, with the exception of 1st and 2nd night Passover Seders, which don’t always occur on Friday nights).
• We offer Nourishment Credits for Hosts in need of a financial boost to help build community around the Shabbat dinner table on Friday night. We trust our hosts to fulfill that expectation and not attempt to receive or use funding for any other purpose
• Any unapproved use of OneTable funds will result in a permanent ban from the OneTable platform. If a dinner listed on the platform does not comply with our rules, it will be removed by a OneTable employee. If a person creates a second event on the platform that does not comply with OneTable’s rules (e.g. dinners must be on Friday night), that person will no longer be allowed to host through OneTable.

Clarifying Questions

• Who does this Code of Conduct apply to?
  All users of the OneTable platform, whether they are guests, Hosts, staff, workshop participants, or attendees at other OneTable-sponsored events.
• Can I sign up for multiple dinners on the same night?
  Even if you can teleport, we restrict sign-ups to one dinner per Friday. That way you can focus your energy on being the best guest possible. Did you already request seats at multiple dinners? Please cancel the ones you’re not attending and be sure to let your host(s) know that you won’t be able to make it. This also means that you cannot host and guest at different dinners on the same Friday.
• What if I need to cancel my attendance?
  Let your host know 48 hours prior to dinner, or as soon as possible.
• What about political dinners?
  OneTable encourages you to bring the joy of Shabbat dinner to the causes you care about. However, as a 501(c)(3) organization, OneTable resources may not be used for partisan political activities, including supporting or opposing a political party, organization, or candidates for public office or specific legislature. Though you are welcome to discuss the nature of charitable giving/tzedakah or discuss worthy local nonprofits over dinner, you may not fundraise for another organization at a OneTable dinner.
• What if I have a question about the OneTable Code of Conduct?
  Please don’t hesitate to reach out! If you have a specific situation you’d like to discuss, reach out to your Field Manager. For Code of Conduct-specific questions, please email help@onetable.org.
• Looking for more resources?
  For more tips on being a great guest and host, please check out our Resource Library.